On Being Gay

I posted this as a comment over on another blog so I thought I'd share it here. (I have edited it ever so slightly.)

Update: After posting this I received a message from someone who misunderstood my intented meaning. To avoid any similar confusion you may want to read the little descriptive labels at the bottom.

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Some time ago I was pretty sure that I was gay but then one day my feelings changed. As much as I tried, I no longer felt gay. I had all these conflicting thoughts and feelings and yet the message I kept on was hearing was that one is born gay and that change is impossible. While I certainly enjoyed being gay, at times I would have to admit that I haven’t always felt that way. In fact at times I have felt the opposite pull very strongly in my life (although on reflection I think I prefer being gay).

So what is the case? Am I actually gay and the contrary feelings I experience a denial of my true gay self? Or is my feeling gay just a chimera or a phase I'm going through -- a passing fad if you will -- and a denial of my true non-gay self? Or perhaps things are in actual fact more complex than saying one is simply born gay and that change is not possible. Perhaps in addition to genetics, environment and human behaviour have something to do with the fact of whether or not one is gay after all. Then again, perhaps my self-diagnosis of gaiety was mistaken to begin with. What I thought was gaiety might actually have been something altogether different such as “glee”, “jollity”, “merriment”, or “mirth”.

Confused,
Apodeictic